You are emotionally void. You wonder if you can still do all that you’ve wanted, achieve what everyone always told you to strive for, and be successful on the track you’re on. This isn’t exactly what you pictured, or how you pictured it, and you wonder whether you actually feel uneasy or if the fact that you feel different than imagined is making you uneasy. You wonder if success is something that can actually be obtained, or if it is always one step further than where you stand. Can one ever truly reach satisfaction, especially in an imperfect world driven by our imperfect bodies? What would it feel like—empty, knowing that you cannot or should not reach any further…?
Is that the American Dream, then?—striving towards happiness but only steadily becoming closer to emptiness, after which death consumes you and more often than not you will not be remembered in 100 years, not even by your own descendants.
You just fade away into the noise.
I’ve been thinking a lot about success and happiness this year, about what really makes one happy and whether or not success is something to strive for.
A lot of things around me are changing. And they’re good changes.
But change, even if it’s for the better, has always made me nervous.
We found an apartment yesterday, praise the Lord.
I graduate in less than a month.
There are 99 days until I marry the love of my life.
It’s all coming so rapidly. I’m excited. I’m nervous.
It’s my fairy-tale ending, except I’m realizing that it’s not an end. It’s a beginning.
They never prepare you for that in Disney movies. They never tell you what’s next.