a letter to the spider living in our kitchen window.

You started out as a little guy, but over the last several weeks you have grown to be quite large and scary. Luckily, you are a grass spider, not a brown recluse like the many other spiders in our house, so I don’t have any serious problems with you. In fact, I kind of like watching you perch in your web as I wash the dishes.
That said, I have a few complaints. First, you seem to be a ruthless hunter, even to other spiders. I now have to stare at the carcass of your cousin every day, with his legs bent back behind him.
Also, we have several flies in the house right now which I would like to be rid of, and they often land on your window, but you cannot catch them because you are on the other side.
And you know, we don’t have a fan in our kitchen, so it would be nice to be able to open the window every now and then, especially while cooking. But I really don’t want you inside the house, because even though you’re harmless, you look terrifying and I would not hesitate to kill you if you got into my comfort zone.

So know this: I will tolerate your existence for now. But don’t try anything funny.
–Emily

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